We’re fine, just busy. I could write about 30 posts trying to update, but dont know where to start. So I havent. And I’m enjoying some quiet time – doing some school planning, sorting some piles, reading alot.
DH will officially “PCA” – permanent change of assignment – this week. He has, however, already started the travel. He’s expecting to travel 2 weeks a month “or so”, but already there have been changes and we’re looking at 3 weeks/month this fall. Nothing like dreading it ahead of time. I feel slightly bad complaining – it’s not Iraq or Afghanistan. Then I think of all the stuff he’s missed…that I’ve missed…and I dont feel bad complaining anymore. He missed my birthday every year for the first several years of marriage. He’s missed Claire’s birthday. He’s missed school programs, surgery, and midnight episodes of kid sickness. He’s also missed movie night, playing in the sprinkler, and tooth fairy visits. This time the TDY schedule and my response seems different. Yes, I’m used to it, but it’s not easier. I think that I’m just resigned to it. Not angry. Not sad. Just. I have great friends here to lend a hand or just hang out, and great friends far from here to let me vent.
If I knew then what I know now, alot would be different. But one easy thing would be counting from Day 1. It doesnt change anything – gone is gone – but it is concrete evidence of how much. After a few weeks of at-home time, we both tend to forget how long or how hard separation is on a marriage and family. Claire sleeping with the shirt I had to dig out of the dirty laundry is “sweet” except it’s not – it’s sad and she shouldnt have to do it. I’m supposed to be grateful that he’s been home 11 months except in the civillian world, few people do this amount of time apart. In 40 years of marriage, my parents havent been apart as much as we were last year alone. Other spouses don’t even believe me sometimes. 2 year-long remotes is unheard of in most career fields.
So to give me a sense of doing something concrete, I’ve added a widget at the bottom of my side bar counting the number of days DH has been apart from Claire and I since we moved to GA. I can’t find a good place to start the count, but since I have the documentation for that I’ll start August 1, 2004 to the present with the percentage of time included. Should be interesting…Hope I can count that high!
2 Comments
June 8, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Kari,
Your post about non-military people not understanding time away from home reminds me of our family’s joy when Chris was on a medical rotation during residency and was limited to an 80 hour work week. We were ecstatic/enthusiastic/happy that he would finally be home, for a little bit anyways. When I would say how excited I was and people would ask, I’d have to admit that prior to that rotation, his weeks were always 100-120 hour work weeks. I can’t even fathom what a “normal” 40 hour work week is! I know that’s not the same as being gone 2-3 weeks per month … but it made me think of that.
Hope you’re having a good trip to Georgia.
June 9, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Nothing about medical school or military life is normal!
DH came home at 4:30 pm one day and my first thought was “What’s wrong!?” And when the neighbor dad’s are home at 5pm everyday, we just roll our eyes.